The con of the “good” girl.

So we live in a society where there is a huge emphasis on females being a “good”-something.

Good girl.
Good baby.
Good daughter.
Good wife.
Good mother.


Can we just stop and explore all this for a moment?

According to the general population; a little girl is only “good” if she is overly feminine, obedient, quiet, and clean.

A baby is only a “good” sleeper if she sleeps through the night from a very early age.

A daughter is only “good” if she pleases her mother and puts her needs second to her mother’s.

A wife is only “good” if she has an immaculate house, fucks her significant other regularly and with enthusiasm and has dinner on the table and a laundry bucket of the non-overflowing variety.

A mother is only “good” if she plays endlessly with her children, is patient at all times, always puts her needs second, provides healthy and varied nutritional meals for her offspring and is generally at the beck and call of her children at. all. times.


Firstly; little girls come in all varieties: they can enjoy trucks, enjoy playing in the dirt, love blue, they can love playing with dolls, they can love soccer or dinosaurs!. They can be outspoken, spirited, filthy and they can also be shy and quiet, too. In fact even though it’s frustrating at the time for us parents while we navigate this journey that is raising small girls; shouldn’t we be encouraging them to find their voice and USE IT in a world where so often women are put on the peg below men just because they don’t have a penis? There is SUCH a double standard that exists in our world that isn’t it a survival mechanism for little girls to question authority, push the acceptable boundaries that exist and have their voice heard?

As for the good baby situation; are you for real? Does a child become suddenly “bad” and unlovable if they are not sleeping all night; are waking (as is biologically normal); need to be held a lot (as is biologically normal)? Why is there this expectation that we make a baby, grow a baby, birth a baby and then as soon as they’re earth side we spend no time just being with them but forcing them to be independent? And then act completely put-out when they do not toe our line and act according to our desires. Fuck sake. What is the rush? Babyhood, childhood – both are so fleeting. Slow down. Hold them. Embrace them. Breathe them in.

Daughters are definitely a lot easier to have around when they put everyone else’s needs first. But at what cost? Do we really want to raise little girls to be women who are happy to be shoved on the sideline; happy to come second; happy to have their own needs and identity lost because they’re deemed insignificant or inferior compared to the needs of others? I sure as hell do not want to raise my girls to be compliant. They may be feisty, loud and opinionated now and drive me around the bend at times but I know that when they’re older and have pressure on them they’ll hold up their own against it.

Wives and husbands or wives and wives make up a team. If one works and is at home; one isn’t worse off than the other – they just have different roles. And they both require support and understanding. And they’re both fucking hard. Sex isn’t a need, it is a want, a desire. And it is not a given. It does not exist purely because it does. Relationships and libido ebbs and flows and not only is that OK it’s the nature of life. Women are not doing their partners a disservice by not putting out; just like they’re not being put out if it just isn’t happening for their significant others. Stop the expectations. Start communicating properly. Use a damn whiteboard if need be.

And finally: isn’t a good mother one that mindfully spends her time raising her children to be loving, compassionate, considerate and independently minded little people, tolerant and accepting of others? One that encourages self-love? Good mothers put their own needs first at times, even when they don’t believe they’re worthy of it. Because they always always are. Good mothers encourage their children to be self-sufficient whilst also maintaining the connection with their offspring that solidifies their attachment in times of utter disarray, uncertainty and chaos. Good mothers encourage their children to embrace the utterly messy, loud, chaotic, exciting, free and liberating thing that we call childhood.

Words are definitely powerful. And their definitions are worthy of exploration.

Next time someone asks you if your daughter, baby or wife is “good”; I challenge you to ask them what they mean exactly.

1 Comment

  1. Patricia Lichtensteiger

    January 11, 2016 at 2:01 pm

    So so true, well said. Have just tweeted the link to this. Keep on going, I just love your voice.

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