7 Things My Autistic Husband Does Better Than Me.

Cj and I have been together almost 11 years. Holysnappingduckshit that is an age. And he’s my opposite in most every single way. And I am so thankful for it. This won’t be a love-letter to my husband and I won’t gush about him tooooo much, but I thought it would be interesting for others to read about the gifts that being autistic bring to him, and to me. Things that probably wouldn’t be things if he wasn’t autistic. Things I am super grateful for on a daily basis, things I probably even take for granted some times.

  1. He can fix pretty much anything… like, anything. Seriously. Whenever things break (as they inevitably do) or don’t work, my stock-standard answer is “Daddy’ll fix it!” because he always can. Remotes, headphones, light switches, computers, iTechnology, any type of machine, any fixture.. yeah you get the gist. It’s really actually quite sexy being married to a fix-it-man, too..
  2. He has the most amazing brain in that he only has to read things once to fully memorise them. I’m talking he can read a menu and then read it back to me at a cafe when we are out, memorising the prices and what options there were. He can read manuals once and understand them entirely without any refresher. He can read a book and memorise its contents in record time, and then tell it back to me. If he’s read something only once it gets stored in his amazing head and remains there until it’s of use.. even if that’s years and years down the line.
  3. He has the ability to weigh up things from both sides equally. This means he also understands politics way better than I ever have, and so he can explain it to me in a way that is less complicated and actually makes sense, without any bias.
  4. He’s very rarely impulsive and acts purely out of thought, because he has to think everything through thoroughly before he makes a decision.  This means any decision he makes you can be pretty well guaranteed has been thought out well. When I want to buy a new “whatever” I tell him, and he’ll research each and every single one of those items so well that he will then be able to provide me with pros/cons for each and then I can make the final decision. It’s like living with a walking talking calculator some days, and he’s awesome.
  5. His attention to detail and perfectionistic qualities mean he’s a kickass baker.  Cj makes the best pancakes you’ll ever eat, the best pizzas and the best cakes.. especially his red wine and chocolate one. He can make anything with a recipe, and often times he will tweak the recipe so it tastes even better than the original.
  6. He’s pretty unemotive which means he doesn’t get caught up in the “drama” of emotional situations, but, by the same token he’s a total emotional sponge and mirrors others moods so he can empathise with each individual situation wholly. When I tell Cj that I feel “sad” or “lonely” he doesn’t really grasp what that means, but he works really well with a list of practical ideas to support. I’ll never forget the time I got my wisdom teeth out and I wrote him a list of ways to support me on it which included things like “Offer me liquids to drink / Give me my supplements / Gentle hugs / Compliments / Check in with me” and he did them all and it was the most beautifully looked after I’d ever experienced! Because he’s an empath, he deeply connects with people and is able to profoundly affect them.
  7. He does groceries better than me. I’ve talked about this before here but Cj is the best grocery shopper ever. He writes his list according to what is in the store (there’s that amazing memory again) and where it is in the store so he only needs to go through each aisle once, left to right. It’s seriously fucking amazing. And I don’t know how he manages to handle our darling little angels whilst shopping and not completely losing his shit.. but he does. Oh did I mention he also packs the grocery bags according to where they go away when he gets home? Yeah. He does.

He really is the moon to my sun, the calm to my storm, the water to my fire. And I’m so incredibly lucky to be married to him, and still so very much in love with him after all this time and all the challenges we have encountered as a family. I won’t deny we have our struggles and we both drive each other nuts fairly often. But.. he balances me out, levels me and our unity is stronger than ever before because he is just the way he is – differences and all.

2 Comments

  1. Jessica, what a brilliant blog post and I so appreciate you writing it … I am always saying that we need to celebrate the gifts of autism more, rather than focusing solely on the perceived downsides.

    Chris and I can really relate to those (especially the first, and we have a house full of old but potential-full technology to prove it!) and I hope it’s OK if I add a couple of my own, to help keep building your list…

    1. My autistic husband has a photographic memory for colour and a really good eye for what goes with what – often in really unexpected but good ways! Very useful if, like me, you’re a quilter and you want to match up colours without having to cart your whole project around 🙂

    2. He hears all sounds at the same level, which can be frustrating for him on one level, but when we’re out walking it means that he can hear (and point out) woodland creatures who we otherwise wouldn’t spot.

    3. Extraordinary map-reading and geolocation skills. I never have to worry about where I am, because he always knows 😀

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